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What is Disorganized Attachment? 

Disorganized attachment is a type of insecure attachment that is characterized by a mixture of anxious and avoidant attachment styles. People with disorganized attachment often have difficulty forming close relationships and may experience intense fear and distrust of others. They may also have difficulty managing their emotions and may be more likely to experience dissociation.

Disorganized attachment is thought to be caused by a combination of factors, including early childhood trauma, neglect, and abuse. When a child's caregivers are unpredictable or inconsistent, the child may not learn how to trust and rely on others. This can lead to the development of disorganized attachment.

Here are some of the signs of disorganized attachment:

  • Difficulty forming close relationships
  • Fear and distrust of others
  • Difficulty managing emotions
  • Dissociation
  • Self-destructive behaviors
  • Substance abuse
  • Mental health problems, such as depression, anxiety, and borderline personality disorder

Healing from disorganized attachment is a complex and challenging process, but it is possible. Here are some additional insights and tips that may be helpful:

Identify your triggers

What are the people, places, or situations that tend to activate your disorganized attachment style? Once you know what your triggers are, you can start to develop strategies for coping with them in a healthy way. For example, if you are triggered by people who are unpredictable or unavailable, you may want to practice setting boundaries and assertively communicating your needs.

Learn to self-soothe

When you are triggered, it is important to have a way to calm yourself down and regulate your emotions. Some helpful self-soothing techniques include deep breathing, mindfulness meditation, and grounding exercises. You may also find it helpful to have a comfort object or to engage in activities that you find relaxing and enjoyable.

Challenge your negative thoughts and beliefs

Disorganized attachment is often accompanied by negative thoughts and beliefs about oneself and others. These thoughts and beliefs can be self-defeating and sabotage our efforts to build healthy relationships. It is important to challenge these negative thoughts and beliefs and replace them with more positive and realistic ones.

Seek support from others

Healing from disorganized attachment is not something that can be done alone. It is important to have a support system of people who understand what you are going through and can offer support and encouragement. This could include family members, friends, a therapist, or a support group for people with disorganized attachment.

It is also important to remember that healing from disorganized attachment is a journey, there will be setbacks along the way, but it is important to keep moving forward. Be patient with yourself and celebrate your progress along the way.

Grief and loss are a normal part of healing

As you heal from disorganized attachment, you may grieve the loss of the relationship you had with your caregivers and the childhood you never had. This grief is a normal and healthy part of the healing process. Allow yourself to feel your grief and don't try to suppress it.

Healing takes time and effort

There is no quick fix for disorganized attachment. Healing takes time, effort, and dedication. Be patient with yourself and don't get discouraged if you don't see results immediately.

You are not alone

Many people struggle with disorganized attachment. There are many resources available to help you heal. There are support groups, online forums, books and articles, and therapists who specialize in treating disorganized attachment.

Remember, you are worthy of love and connection. You can heal from disorganized attachment and build healthy, fulfilling relationships. If you think you can’t do it alone or don’t want to, a therapist can help you to understand your attachment style and develop coping mechanisms. Therapy can also help you to heal from any past trauma that may have contributed to your attachment style. Click the button below to start healing and schedule a free phone consultation.


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